Life Conversations with a Twist

Reset With Kindness: How Simple Choices Improve Home Life Fast with Teresa Ramirez

Heather Nelson Season 3 Episode 62

“Personal pain is as unique as a fingerprint, and you never know what somebody's going through. Always be kind.” —Teresa Ramirez


 The piece reflects on how the lack of everyday decency can weigh on us, and introduces a conversation that offers practical, hopeful ways to cultivate kindness. Teresa Ramirez shares how a school tragedy inspired her lifelong commitment to nurturing compassion in families and communities. 

She shows how small, intentional acts of kindness shape our character and help us respond well in difficult moments. The conversation promises relatable stories and actionable guidance for raising kind humans in a noisy, often harsh world. 


In this episode, we cover:

• Why intentional kindness shapes long-term behavior
• How small daily habits set the tone at home
• Stories of kids who changed outcomes through connection
• The link between parent modeling and child behavior
• How communities can reduce isolation through simple gestures
• Practical tools for Raising Kind Children
• Social media, parenting, and the power of what we model
• Ways to respond calmly when conflict shows up


Connect with Heather: 

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook 

YouTube



Episode Highlights:

01:16 From Tragedy to Kindness
04:15 Raising Kind Children  
08:33 Why Kindness Can Prevent Tragedy
13:05 Kindness and Inclusion for Kids with Special Needs
17:02 Practical Tips for Kindness at Home 
19:45 Handling Unkindness at Home 
22:53 Setting Social Media Examples 
26:05 Kindness Over Being Right
30:04 Words Matter: Ending on a Kind Note  
32:51 Spread Kindness 


Resources:

💲Discount

CLEARSTEM

Get a 15% discount when you shop at: clearstem.com 

Use Heather’s Code: SFVXPHXB

🔗Link: https://clearstem.com/SFVXPHXB 


Book

Get Teresa’s book: Raising Kind Children: How to Become the CEO of Your Family to Create Lasting Impact and Change 


Freebies 

Download the 75 Acts of Kindness checklist for free: https://www.journeyinkindness.com/checklist 


Connect with Teresa:

Teresa Ramirez is a bestselling, award-winning author, motivational speaker, and kindness ambassador dedicated to helping parents raise compassionate, emotionally healthy children. In a world where some teens resort to tragic violence, she equips parents with inspiration and practical tools to foster kindness at home. Through her uplifting video messages, blog posts, and playful “fun-with-bubbles” approach, she encourages parents to lead their families with joy, connection, and intentional acts of kindness. Outside her work, Teresa volunteers at Home For Life, spends time with her sons and pets, and enjoys outdoor adventures like hiking and kayaking. 


Website 

LinkedIn 

Instagram 

YouTube 

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Heather Nelson: Hey ladies, it's your host, Heather Nelson, welcoming you to another season of Life Conversations With a Twist. This is a space where we dive into stories of remarkable women who've conquered challenges and emerged stronger. Join me each week as we unravel tales of resilience, triumph and empowerment. These narratives aren't just stories. These are stories of inspiration, and I'm so honored to have the space to share them with you. Plus, I will be sharing my own personal stories of inspiration as I navigate starting my own business and achieving my own goals. So whether you're driving in the car or out moving your body, get ready for heartwarming stories and empowering conversations together. Let's raise a virtual toast to empowerment, because here at Life Conversations With a Twist, every story has the power to inspire. Cheers, ladies. 

Hello everyone. Welcome to this week's Life Conversations With a Twist. I'm really excited to have Teresa on. We just met, which feels most of my guest stories and how we've been connected. But we are in a podcast network, and we are looking for our speakers wanting to be speakers, and so thank you for reaching out. I think your topic is definitely going to resonate with my listeners and myself. Especially at this time of life where I'm sitting with children, so welcome. Tell everyone a little bit about who you are, where you live, and a little bit of backstory.

Teresa Ramirez: Well, thank you so much for having me. Really, the backstory to how I got to this point, named from a school shooting in 2018, and just so everybody knows, I did not know anyone at that school, but it just hit me for some, God just said that we can do better. Do something. I'm like, okay, so what do you do? So I sit down grieving with these people and sympathizing. I was just thinking that you can do something. They were big at trying to change laws and change school policy when it takes forever. How you treat each other, you can do now. And that's how this all started, just getting kids to go sit with that kid that's sitting alone at lunch. You get the new kid to reach out to them, show them the rope, and show them around. Or the shy kid that is just a little socially awkward, so to speak, to say, hey, how are you doing? It doesn't take much time. Doesn't cost anything. So that's how I started with the kids getting, how are you treating each other? From there, covid hit. And where did we all end up? We ended up in front of the computer. I was reading social media, and I was appalled how mean, just cruel adults were being to each other. 

So I asked, I have my core great nieces and nephews who range anywhere from 6 to 15 at this point. And I said, (inaudible) close? Oh, yeah, all the time. We don't want them posting about us, so we make sure they're not doing that. But at this I said, do you read them? He goes, Yeah. They go, yeah. I got to thinking, if they're reading them, and they're saying mom and dad are posting this, guess what? I can post that. And I'm thinking, oh, maybe I need to get to the parents. Because you can say all the things at school, but your number one role models are you the parents. So I switched my focus to talking about parents. Then the process evolved out of that, when building that foundation of a kindness, getting your soccer team, the drama club, chess club, basketball team together to do community work, then there's a big payoff and how you respond kindly in those awkward, sticky situations. That's kind of where I am today. Wrote it, put it in a book, made it super simple, quick read for parents that are so busy. I try to emphasize to parents that it's not hard. I'm not saying that let's pile more on your plate. I'm saying, let's use your everyday activities, and flip the narrative on a lot.

Heather Nelson: So good. You said your book is already out, correct?

Teresa Ramirez: Yes, win an award. I'm so excited about that. 

Heather Nelson: Yay. That's exciting. What is the book name? 

Teresa Ramirez: It is Raising Kind Children. Like I said, it's a step by step process, super easy, using your day to day things. But the payoff in the end is huge, because you're going to make it easier for your kids to respond in a kind manner when they're faced with a conflicting situation.

Heather Nelson: So this concept for you came, you said in 2018 after the school shooting. Of course, we're seeing more and more of that. I would love to just chat. Before that, you had children, and what was raising your children like? Did you always instill this type of parenting where you always talked about being kind? And like you said, you have two sons. What was that like for you?

Teresa Ramirez: It was interesting. And no. I can say, yes, I did things timely, but it was random. Do what I say, not what I did. I'm just saying now that I'm much more focused. It's a lifestyle for me, and I'm just asking parents, the randomness is great. Let's be intentional. Let's start the day with how we are going to be kind today.

Heather Nelson: It's so good. If anyone's watching us on YouTube, you have behind you, it says, Be Kind. I am a very much a believer of that. Not only with just children, but human beings. And I feel like since covid, people are so afraid to smile or to even look at you when you're walking across paths on a crosswalk and you're like, good morning. And they just don't even say anything. And you're like, why can't people just be kind anymore?

Teresa Ramirez: And that's what I say when people are like, well, where do I start? Remember to smile and say hello to everybody you encounter. I'd like to challenge the audience, take a day this week and say, I'm going to smile and say hi to everybody, and see what happens. Because I think people underestimate that a lot. I have a guy, well, I knew he worked in a parking garage, and he went on vacation for a couple weeks, and came back and said to him, that regular parking people said, where have you been? I've had the worst two weeks. And he's like, what are you talking about? He said, your smile and good morning sets my day off on a good note, and I can sail through my day so much easier knowing that you greeted me that way. He was so cute. He came up to me and said, you kindness lady. You always told me that it's the simple things, a smile and hello goes a long way. And he said, I never truly understood that until my regular customers said that to me. So yeah, don't underestimate that smile and hello.

Heather Nelson: There's a crossing guard that made me think of this, because I had this thought the other day when I was dropping my son off. He's the crossing guard. He's been doing it for years. When my daughter was in middle school, and now he's there with my son. Every time the kids, he fist pumps them. And it's like good morning. And you could just see that interaction. I thought to myself the other day, I was like, this might be the only positive interaction some of these kids have. You never know what they're coming home from, or going to school to, or whatnot. And I'm like, that could be the only kind person they see for the day. And how much that could totally change their day.

Teresa Ramirez: It's huge. And I saw at an elementary school when the kids are getting off the bus, or a lot of them are carpooling, so they're getting out of the cars, and that principal gives some kids a hug, he gives the high five, or the fist bump. And you know each kid, and there's a lot of kids, and they're coming to them, more or less. If you're going to the school, you have to find me, and I'm going to greet you. I remember sitting in the car because I couldn't move, just how wonderful. And like you said, a lot of kids, that might be the only positive interaction they have all day, which is so sad. And that's why I want to change that.

Heather Nelson: I love that. I want to talk about school shootings for a second, and your perception on why do you think that they keep happening? How do you think as a community, we can all kind of like, because I see the same thing, and we have been very fortunate that we haven't had any in our area. But obviously, watching in other areas, it's so traumatizing. I always think to myself, because as a mother, I feel like it has to start at home. I think that, of course, there's so many different dynamics and things that happen. But really what we're doing and how we're raising our child is really what kind of sets the tone to how they show up, or how they go to school. And so I have a lot of thoughts around that. But then also, you had mentioned how we all need to be inclusive and say hi to everybody and be kind. Because sometimes, it seems to be that a lot of these shooters are people who aren't getting love at home, or are a little bit different than the norm, and sound like they're getting bullied and stuff. I would love to hear your thoughts on that, and what you're teaching to these parents could really change that dynamic? 

Teresa Ramirez: It's so simple, it goes back to basics. Everybody says, I've heard that before. I said the same. Are you being intentional? That it comes back to that intentional kindness. And as parents, are you modeling that behavior? Are you saying hi to all the neighbors? We have a bike trail back here that I walk on. Are you saying hi to everybody you pass on that bike trail? And not everybody's gonna say hi, and that's okay. You made the effort. And I do believe, how do you want to be treated? How do you want to be treated, then treat other people that way? Again, the same simple, basic concepts, but we're not doing it. There was a school here that we did not have the shooting, but I think we didn't have the shooting because the kid had one friend who's just kind of unloading on his friend how he was feeling. I think it was middle school. And he said, yeah, I just might bring a school. I might bring a gun to school and just shoot everybody. He goes, I just can't take it anymore. And the kids like, well, you don't want to do that. So he's trying to be friends. Well, his friend went home and told dad, and dad told the principal, and the shooting was stopped. It did not happen. And the kid got the counseling and the help he needed, and the parents got counseling. 

So that one friend made all the difference. It was sad because he was not the norm as we speak, but one kid made a difference. And it could have been so much worse. And I thought, we have tons of stories. I have a nephew, and when he was in middle school, there was a kid in a wheelchair. He couldn't push the wheelchair and carry the lunch tray, so my nephew went over and said, here, I'll carry that for you. Where do you want to sit? And the kid goes, I don't know. Well, come sit with us. Come to find out. My nephew is an athlete, and most of his friends are athletes. But through conversation and just reaching out to the kid in the wheelchair, that kid knew every sports statistic out there. He said, yeah, we didn't keep in touch when we got to high school. But he said, he was a really cool kid, and we're so glad we got to know, again, if you don't reach out, how do you know you're not going to like that person? And I know, especially middle school, it's the worst. It is the worst. What's everybody thinking? What's everybody thinking? And I said, let's everybody think kindness. Let everybody take that step. And I know some of the schools are really trying to up their kindness quota. And this is an elementary school where the teachers catch the kids being kind, and they get, it's like a punch card. And when they get the punch card full of kindness, they get a prize. They get something. But that's making it, making kindness as natural as breathing, and that's what we want to do. It's reinforcing that habit, that intention. Now it starts out with, yeah, you get a prize, but they're going to keep doing it. Because now, it's a habit. It's a habit. They've made it natural as breathing, so they can't get out of that.

Heather Nelson: Yeah. I actually just had another guest on my podcast, and she has a sister who has disabilities. And one of the things that we had talked about is how the school districts are kind of, they're all a little bit different in our area, but the ones that are really being inclusive and allowing kids with special needs into the classrooms and not segregating them, and putting them in separate areas or separate parts of the school, or putting all the special needs kids all together, but really where everyone is. Showing kindness and getting used to being around people with special needs or people that are a little bit different from them, lets them interact with them and see that they are just like any other child. And so we had that whole conversation about how that is so important in the school districts versus segregating them out, and not allowing people to really get to know people for who they are.

Teresa Ramirez: Yeah. At the same elementary school, the kids were off last week, so I took them out to lunch. And my niece and her friends, which was hilarious in and of itself, but they were talking about being ambassadors and buddies. And I'm like, what are you guys talking about? Well, we get to be ambassadors this year. And I'm like, okay, what does that mean? And they said, oh, well, if there's a child with another student with a disability or they need extra help, we get to go around with them, do part of the school day and help them. And these girls, 10 year old girls, were so excited to be able to do that. And we need more of that.

Heather Nelson: We truly do.

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Heather Nelson: In your book, basically, it's for parents to read to teach kindness in their home. Can you give us a little teaser and a couple takeaways for parents that they could do immediately to help raise kind children?

Teresa Ramirez: It starts at home. Everything starts at home. And remember, you're the role model. And I say that I love my sticky notes. They're great, and you're awesome, you rock on the kid's bathroom mirror or their bedroom door. If they've got the big math test they've been studying all week for and they're stressing out, put a note in the back pack that says, you got this. Just those kinds of encouraging things. Do it with your significant other. Notify the mug your kids are going to notice. I think that's the key thing. Your kids hear and see everything. I don't care if they've headphones around. They're watching, and they can still hear through the noise. I know that. So just those little things. And the way you're treating your significant other, that's going to influence them as well in treating other people. So I start with the sticky notes, notes in the backpack for the big test? Nope. Mind you, you can't do this after a certain age. They're embarrassed, but you can tap to a certain age. 

You can stick a note in their lunch box. Hey, they appreciate you. All of those, again, keep simple. If you have an inside joke, maybe stick that in there one day, and we can just see the kids smiling. The other thing I like to do is three questions. That's why you can check in as a parent with your kid. And the first question is, what's the best thing that happened to you today? The second question is, what's the thing that wasn't so great today? And the third question is my favorite, what made you laugh? Those are the best answers. Because you're like, really, that happened? It allows you to check in, to see really what's going on in their lives. And it's an open ended question, so they have to say something. But you can do that over the dinner table, while you're driving them to every 100 activities they have outside of school, whatever. Maybe do that a few days a week. So those are my top tips for parents on how to get started. I would like to offer your audience. I do have 75 acts of kindness. If you don't know where to start, number one is smile and hello. And I think the 75th one is planting a tree. Be kind to the planet. But there's all that in between. And as a family, you guys can sit down and pick one. We're going to do this this week. We're going to do this today. Get your kids involved with them. Speaking about it.

Heather Nelson: That's so good. I have a question for you. I breathe kindness too. I believe that everyone needs to be kind. It bothers me that people are not kind, but that's one thing that I have always instilled with my kids. They have different school awards that they get for like Humanitarian Award, and they've all gotten it, so I'm very proud of them because I know that they show up in a way that they should to their peers. But what I struggle with sometimes is when they come home and aren't so kind to the parents. Do you have any advice around that on how we navigate that with them?

Teresa Ramirez: Yeah. There is also in the book, it's called Practicing The Pause. Your kids are coming at you and you're like, take a deep breath. Just stop and take a deep breath. And then you can go in to say, I always say, how would you like it if I spoke to you that way? They are going to roll their eyes, I know it. You see it all. I can see it already. You can start and just say, gosh, did you have a bad day? Now, flip it a little bit. Did you have a bad day today? What was the thing that set you off today? And then gonna go into, is something happened that made you laugh today? And then they're gonna be looking at you like you're nuts. But at the same time, you're flipping the narrative in their mind, whatever was triggering them at the moment. Heaven forbid that you ask them to clean their room or something. Yeah, it's gonna make them stop, and their minds are gonna start to kind of flip the other way.

Heather Nelson: Yeah, that's good. I know somebody else said, instead of saying I don't like the way you treated me, or put the blame on them, saying like, oh, that really hurt my feelings. And talking in it as a ME and this really hurt me, or the way you talk to me, that really upset me. I've tried that. But sometimes, it doesn't work.

Teresa Ramirez: It doesn't always work. It doesn't always work. And then you can also, in the kindness thing say, hey, to the 75 acts of kindness, just kind of almost stonewall whatever they were saying. Because my kids, both of my boys got (inaudible), and I understand. So kind of stonewalling what they were saying, and then saying, hey, here's the 75 acts of kindness. Let's pick one. We haven't picked one this week. Sit down with me and do that. And again, it's going to startle them enough that their brain's going to kind of, oh. Yeah, it is fun. Then you can be more friends with them. Right now, you do have to parent. And some days are better than others.

Heather Nelson: So interesting. You were talking about social media, because my daughter is now on Instagram. I now have to not watch what I post, but I definitely approach what I post a little bit differently now. Because now, she sees it. And obviously, most of my work is my podcast, kind things and stuff. But it's just interesting because you were talking about when you're posting something negative, your kids are seeing that. It is so true. They are watching, and they hear you. They see what you're doing. And so I do have to be a little bit like, okay, I'm gonna post this. But remember who your eyes are. And all her friends follow me too so I'm like, okay, now I really have to--

Teresa Ramirez: The other parents are going, what did she post today?

Heather Nelson: So besides the book, what other work are you doing to promote kindness? Do you go into the school districts? What is the work that you're doing in the community?

Teresa Ramirez: I try to keep it focused on parents, but I actually have spoken at corporations before in their team building sessions. Mr. Jones and this, they are not getting along, and we want to put this out there. So I have done that. But my main focus is parents. I'll do the PTAs. Can invite me into the schools to speak to parents. Any parenting group, I do go out and speak. I have lots and lots of stories, suggestions and things people enjoy. I love that, but mostly parenting groups. PTAs have invited me in to speak. You name it, I'll do it.

Heather Nelson: Did you do it virtually?

Teresa Ramirez: I have done virtually. I love in-person because that's easier to interact with. I've definitely done more in-person than I have done online as well, and worked for people there.

Heather Nelson: I love that, because I feel like every community needs you. They need that person that is leading the community in a positive way. And I again, I don't know what happened, covid just took that all away from everybody, and it's hard to find kind people anymore.

Teresa Ramirez: I think we're still recovering. Five years later, we're still recovering from that, which is, again, sad. I know I was just starting out during covid, too. And yeah, so I came up with all sorts of crazy ideas of what you could do. And it feels for the high schoolers that missed out on their graduations, all those parties and things they normally do.

Heather Nelson: Yeah, that's so true. And the political climate is definitely not helping anybody be kind to each other. I feel like everyone is just on edge right now. But at the same time, I'm like, we can only control what's happening in our home, in our area, and that we just have to continue to be who we are as humans.

Teresa Ramirez: That's what I try to do, I said, just focus on your corner of the world. And then we're making those ripples of kindness. And if each person is focusing on those corners, those ripples are going to merge together and create a wave of kindness that's going to watch across this country. We just have to be more intentional toward it.

Heather Nelson: So true. You said you have tons of stories. I would love for you to give us one more story. You had a good one with the one with the wheelchair. I think that one was super special. But I think it's stories like that that really resonate with people. It's those simple things to make someone feel good.

Teresa Ramirez: Yeah, right. I will tell you. Everyone tells me this was their favorite story, and this was early on in my journey. I went to lunch with a friend, and we were sitting there looking at the menu. They were busy, and the server came over and said, what do you want? And I'm like, God, oh, geez, we had a couple questions about the menu. I don't know. I was told to come over and take your order. What do you want? My friend and I are looking at each other. We placed our order, we received our food, and it was fine. But I don't think she ever came over and refilled the water, or coffee, or anything. And then at the end of the meal, she comes over and slams the bill on the tape, and it was a wow. It was a wow because I don't think I've ever been treated badly before or since. And my friend and I are looking at each other and she's like, oh, I call the manager. This is ridiculous. Sitting there going, yeah, we have every right. We have every right to call the manager over. But we decided not to. We paid the bill, left a normal tip. And on the receipt, I put a smiley face and wrote, you are designed to shine. We gathered our stuff out and left. She chased us into the parking lot and cried. Thank you. We really needed to hear that today, and ran back inside. 

Now we had no idea. And that was, like I said, early on in my journey, I didn't know what I was doing. I just felt called to choose kindness over being right, because we did. We had every right, and I chose kindness, and that changed her. Obviously changed her entire day. And to this day, my friend and I still giggle and we're like, the people that came after us have no idea they dodged a bullet with her because  she would treat other people differently after that. But yeah, personal pain is as unique as a fingerprint, and you never know what somebody's going through. So always be kind. And I think servers, I call them invisible people. And that's servers, even though they're in your face, we don't see them as people. For some reason, cafe workers, custodians, security guards, all people, garbage collectors, they all serve a very needed purpose in our society, but we don't see them as people. So I always say, be kind to those people. If the UPS driver isn't around, then I'm not getting my package. Or even during covid, the garbage collectors still worked. Our garbage did not sit there and was collected. So just things to think about. And be kind to those servers. 

Heather Nelson: I'm in hospitality, so yes, I agree completely. I'm very nice to my servers all of the time because I've been there. But it's true. And I think that certain people, you never know when someone's having a bad day, or they're going through something really personal, or they just got really bad news. And sometimes, just you saying hi or making them feel good could totally change their whole day. Could change their life, really.

Teresa Ramirez: Well, it is. And I'm thinking that something happened to her before she left her house. Something happened last week or even last month, and it was just triggered today. That's what you have to remember.

Heather Nelson: You never know. I love this conversation. Like I said, I feel like there needs to be more of you in the world. So hopefully, some people feel inspired by this. But is there anything that we missed, or anything you want to leave the listeners with today?

Teresa Ramirez: Yes. There is a payoff, and how we respond to each other using your words are so important too. What did you say to somebody, and you flip that. I flipped the narrative with the server. You can do that with your words as well, and you can use humor. If you can do one liner when there's a tense situation, go for it. And sometimes, you just have to walk away. And that's hard. But yes, it is, especially with our kids not saying it's not. It's hard. Another story which we've all seen, but I like to bring it up. It's the Phillies. And I forget. The Phillies in Dolphins baseball? No, not dolphins. There was a Philly baseball game, and the guy got the ball for something 20 people dug for the ball, and the guy came up with it and gave it to his son. And the woman swore, saying it was hers, and she wasn't being kind. And the guy gave the ball back to her, and it all settled down. And there's been two stories on that that some people say that he should have stood his ground. I said, but he's standing there with two kids, and this woman who was clearly unhinged, and it was a baseball. Was it worth it to fight over baseball? And I think that's the lesson that those kids learned. It's not worth it. It wasn't worth it over baseball. I think people a lot of times get into conflicting situations.

Heather Nelson: It's so true. There's more to life than being upset about little things, or it's a parking spot or whatever. You didn't turn on the light when you were supposed to and you're like, it's not the end of the world. I'm in the events industry, so I say a lot to people because everyone gets worked up about certain things. It's just a very stressful job, and I'm like, we're not saving lives. We're literally putting on an event for people to eat and drink. Why are we so angst about things? And sometimes, you just have to let those little things go and not get worked up about it. This was such a beautiful conversation. I'm so glad I got to start my Monday off with it, because I always feel that my guests come into my life and on my podcast at certain times when we need it. So thank you for the work that you're doing. Thank you for making an impact one person at a time. And if we can all just do that, I know we'll be in a very much better space. But there's a lot of work to be done, so one person at a time.

Teresa Ramirez: That's right. One ripple at a time. And thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed it.

Heather Nelson: Yes. We'll put all your information where people can find you, find where they buy your book. I definitely want to buy it. I love having somebody on and getting to buy their book after, and seeing the work that they're doing. So we'll make sure that everybody can find you. I hope today's episode resonated with you. And if it did, don't keep it to yourself. Spread inspiration. Share this episode on your socials and tag me. And if there's anyone in your life who can use a dose of encouragement, pass it along. Looking forward to continuing this journey of inspiration with you. Until next time, stay empowered and connected.