Life Conversations with a Twist

True Belonging: The Inclusion Ripple Effect with Hannah Ponsford

Heather Nelson Season 3 Episode 59

"Being part of something is an essential human need. When you feel excluded, it becomes a real barrier in life. Don’t be too afraid to say the wrong thing. Be more focused on asking the right questions." —Hannah Ponsford


When you’re seen as different, every day can feel like an uphill climb—and those closest to you often hurt quietly alongside, trying to bridge two worlds but unsure how. The longing for real acceptance and togetherness runs deep on both sides, and too often, everyone ends up feeling alone.

Hannah Ponsford knows this from both sides, having grown up as the sister of someone with a disability and later becoming an advocate and storyteller. She is passionate about spreading the message that small acts of openness and support can nurture true belonging—for everyone involved. 

Expect real talk about family ups and downs, navigating awkward moments, tips for more welcoming communities, powerful advocacy, school hurdles, and how small actions ripple outward—listen for stories and insights that prove everyone deserves to belong.

 

Connect with Heather: 

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Episode Highlights:

02:24 Living with a Disability in the Family
07:08 Breaking the Ice: Social Awkwardness Around Disabilities
13:26 Unmasking “Wholesome”— Misconceptions and Social Labels
18:16  The Cost of Exclusion: Why Inclusive Schools Matter
22:53 Advice to Siblings: Balancing Care, Guilt, and Personal Dreams
24:15 Parent Power: What Moms Need to Hear
28:08 Our Kind of Normal 



Resources:

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Connect with Hannah:

Hannah Ponsford is a passionate storyteller, advocate, and creative professional based in California. Drawing on her experiences as the eldest sibling to a sister with an intellectual disability, Hannah is dedicated to fostering honest conversations and greater inclusion within the disability community. 

An actor and artist, she combines her creativity with advocacy through her podcast, "Our Kind of Normal," where she aims to share diverse stories and perspectives from those impacted by disabilities. Hannah is committed to building supportive networks, raising awareness, and empowering others to embrace authentic, inclusive connections.


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Heather Nelson: Hey, ladies. It's your host, Heather Nelson, welcoming you to another season of Life Conversations With A Twist. This is a space where we dive into stories of remarkable women who've conquered challenges and emerged stronger. Join me each week as we unravel tales of resilience, triumph and empowerment. These narratives aren't just stories. These are stories of inspiration, and I'm so honored to have the space to share them with you, Plus, I will be sharing my own personal stories of inspiration as I navigate starting my own business and achieving my own goals. So whether you're driving in the car or out moving your body, get ready for heartwarming stories and empowering conversations together. Let's raise a virtual toast to empowerment. Because here at Life Conversations With A Twist, every story has the power to inspire. Cheers, ladies. 

Hello, everyone. Welcome to this week's Life Conversations With A Twist. I'm so excited to have Hannah on today. Hannah and I, this is our first time meeting in person, but we've had a beautiful conversation. I know your mom very well, and I'm just really excited to have this conversation with you, so welcome. 

Hannah Ponsford: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. 

Heather Nelson: Tell our listeners a little bit how we got connected. I've been in the events industry for over 25 years, and just recently have been connected to Larkin, who is the owner and Founder of Common Ground Society, which is a non profit. You probably can speak to it better than I can, but it's a non profit that helps children with disabilities and their families, and she's doing beautiful work. I love her so much, and I am like her biggest fan, and can see so much happening. And last year, I got the privilege to help her with her Gala. And your mom is obviously part of the planning, because she has a child with a disability, and so we've known each other through the industry. But that was a really great way to get to know each other, and then she connected us together, because you want to start a podcast. 

Hannah Ponsford: Yeah. I was so excited when I found out about you and your podcast and everything you're doing, because I just think this is such a cool platform to be able to share your individual stories. And as a sibling of a person with disabilities, I feel like I'm always wanting to talk to people, and always wanting to express my story and my experiences. I'm just really excited to be able to dive in and learn about all these people who also have totally different experiences than I do, but a lot of things that probably we could relate to. I think it'll be really cool.

Heather Nelson: Yeah, awesome. So tell our listeners a little bit about who you are? And a little bit about your sister, your mom, how and why do these conversations even happen? 

Hannah Ponsford: I grew up in Santa Rosa, where you live. And my youngest sister has an intellectual disability, what it literally is, is Hypomyelination of a corpus callosum, so it's a cognitive processing disorder.

Heather Nelson: Every time anybody says a disability, I'm like--

Hannah Ponsford: Hers isn't one that has an overarching name for it. It's just, this is what's happening. So that's usually the quickest way to explain it. The layer of myelin around the core of her brain isn't fully developed, so it just makes cognitive processing and motor skills a lot more challenging for her. And so growing up with her, I've just gotten such a unique perspective on family dynamics and the community of people with disabilities. So it's been really interesting to have that insight. I'm a big storyteller. I love being creative. I am also an actor. I love painting and all of that. So I've always been really passionate about finding a way to connect with this community and speak up for them. I was always looking for my niche and wondering like, well, how can I make a difference? I don't really see myself teaching in special ed, but I want to do something to help. And so the podcast idea came to me, and it just felt so personal because this is what I love to do. I love to talk to people to ask questions. Ask the real questions that maybe some people are afraid to ask. And I think that's where a lot of me is, I'm just a sibling of a person with disabilities. I can't speak for those people. But from my experiences, even just from my own experience, I'm always wanting people to ask me questions. And I think a lot of the time, people are really scared to, so I'm just really excited to set something up where we can do that openly and honestly, and get to learn about each other.

Heather Nelson: I think that's the one thing that I loved when you told me about your concept is being able to have honest conversations. And again, a lot of these children can't advocate for themselves. Some of them can't speak or whatnot. And so I think it's great that the siblings get to step up, support and to advocate. Obviously, parents do the same thing. But to be a sibling, to walk through life with a sibling with disability and the things that you see, I think those are the real conversations. How do you educate and inspire us to learn how we integrate them in our lives?

Hannah Ponsford: Totally. I think that so often, like you said, hear the parents speaking up. And obviously, the parents have such a good insight too. I do think that it could be really special to have this opportunity for the siblings to speak up because they are going to see their siblings in another dynamic and in a different zone than the parents do. Sometimes, I see that my sister is overwhelmed with things that, maybe my mom doesn't catch on to, and my mom catches on to things that I don't. And having grown up with my sister, we shared a childhood together, we're more of a peer relationship. So I think it's really special for the peers of these people to be the ones doing the speaking, versus the parents, which is also a really special and important thing. But it's pivoting a little bit so that you can get this whole other perspective. 

Heather Nelson: I have all kinds of questions that come up in everything you say, I'm like, oh, my god, I want to ask her about this. Just for clarity for everybody who's listening, so you are the oldest. How many siblings are there in total?

Hannah Ponsford: There's three of us. So I'm the oldest, my sister Summer. So I'm 28, my sister Summer is 26, and then Ella turns 21 tomorrow. Not tomorrow, on the 30th, but we celebrate tomorrow.

Heather Nelson: Oh, my god. And she's still living at home with mom? 

Hannah Ponsford: So Ella lives at home with mom in Santa Rosa. I actually live in Santa Barbara. And then my other sister Summer lives in San Diego, so we're all a little spread out.

Heather Nelson: I wanted everyone to know your age dynamics as we have this conversation. I think one of the things that I've always loved about Larkin and what she is all about, and I've been super honest with her when she's been on my podcast about this. A lot of us who are not around people with disabilities. We don't know how to act, we don't know how to interact. Do we say hi? Do we make eye contact? It's always this weird thing. And then as a mom and as a parent, we're trying to teach our children to be welcoming and to say hi, and to not judge. How do you feel about that? What advice do you have for us who are interacting with people with disabilities in the community? 

Hannah Ponsford: Yeah. I'm so glad you brought that up, because I think it is such a common thing, and it's something everyone can relate to. I've grown up around so many people with disabilities, and I have a sister with a disability. But I still catch myself thinking the same way. I want to be open and inviting to everyone, but I'll still catch myself off. What if I say the wrong thing to this person? What if I use the wrong terminology that's a little out of date to their parents? I'm always thinking about these things too. So it's been interesting for me to reflect on that and be like, wow, if I'm the sister of a person with disabilities, other people must feel even more nervous about that. And so I think that it's so important for us all to just try and put ourselves out there. Just interact with these people, even if you're not sure exactly how. And also, again, this is coming from the perspective of someone without disabilities. But I've just seen moments where my sister, she would be in a group of a bunch of girls her age, and they hadn't met her before, and they're a little standoffish. They probably aren't thinking like, oh, I don't want to talk to this person. They're probably thinking, I don't know how. And I've seen my sister wish that these people would just be a little more open and inviting. So I just think it's so important for us all to just start somewhere. And I even think like asking questions. If you don't understand what someone says, like, oh, can you repeat that? I didn't quite hear you clearly. I just think that that is one of the big barriers in our community, just this hesitation of messing up. And I think that by just putting ourselves out there a little more, and just learning about each other a little more, we can fill that gap quite a bit well.

Heather Nelson: Larkin is saying to be the one to say hi, or be the one to interact with them, or open a door for them, or interact with them. So I just love that message, and thank you for that because I think you're right. We don't want to mess up, we don't want to say the wrong thing. It is an awkward situation because you don't know, is this person able to talk? Or can they even hear me? Can they even see me? And so sometimes, just try and see what happens.

Hannah Ponsford: Totally. And I always try to go with the mindset of assuming that they can understand and hear me, because there are a lot of people with disabilities that do pick up on things that you wouldn't realize. They do hear you. They do understand you. They are processing what's happening, but they can't express it. It's such a range from so many different types of people. But I do like to approach a person assuming that they can understand what I'm saying, and that they fully pick up on the whole situation. Because I just think that's a better place to start, and you just create more opportunities that way than, oh, no, I don't think that person knows. Understanding what's happening here. I just think that approaching it with that mindset can go a long way.

Heather Nelson: Your sister's disability, is she able to communicate? What would be her disability?

Hannah Ponsford: Basically, she can fully communicate. She's super social, super outgoing. She's literally the funniest person I've ever met. So for her, it's cognitive processing. When it comes to physical actions, motor skills are really challenging for her, like tying her shoes, fine motor skills like that. And then for processing, she can fully have an open conversation. She knows exactly what's happening in the room. I think sometimes when new people meet her, eventually speaking to her, they'll realize, oh, she's really witty, and she's picking up on every little thing. I think it's especially interesting because she does have such a big sense of humor, and that's been such a big place of expression for her, I think, because she'll say these things that are like, she just comes in so quick. And I'm like, how did you think of that? And for anyone, I'm like, how does anybody think of that? She's so funny. So learning how to read, do math and things like that have always been a big challenge. And the math skills quite aren't there. Reading? She's come so far. But it's interesting because so many things that we thought she wouldn't be able to do, or that we were told she wouldn't be able to do just with time and effort. Thankfully, she's been able to just accomplish a lot that we didn't really know how it would go at first. But my parents have just been so great with doing all these types of speech therapy, physical therapy, and just really working with her. She's always surprising us with new skills, so it's really cool to watch.

Heather Nelson: At what point in her life did you know that she had this disability? Is it something like she was born? Or as she was developing is when you realize that?

Hannah Ponsford: So I was seven when she was born, and there was, I think, a lot that I didn't fully understand. But my parents did know pretty early on that she had a disability. I know it was still when she was a baby, and I don't remember exactly how old she was. But I think I could be wrong. I think there were just certain movements and things that usually weren't happening, something like that was kind of a sign. But the first moment that I remember really getting an idea of just how our experiences were going to be a little different was when I was a kid, and I was at church. There was this little girl who was probably like two, and she was just running around the church, and I was chasing her around, and I was talking to my mom after and was like, oh, that was so much fun. I can't wait till Ella's that age. And my mom's like, I know it is so fun. Just so you know that when Ella's that age, she probably won't be doing that quite yet. It's going to take her a little more time. And that was the first time I remember it clicking like, okay, certain things are going to take more time, or they're just going to happen a bit differently than the standard. So that was an interesting core memory. 

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Heather Nelson: If you looked back, what was your experience growing up with your sister? Did you have any incidents where people made you feel uncomfortable or made you question what was happening? I'm just curious what your thoughts were as growing up with her. 

Hannah Ponsford: My parents did such a good job of making me and my, I can't speak for my sister, but making me feel really included. And I didn't really have the experience growing up where I was like, oh, all the attention is going to my sister. I know that's not the case for all siblings who have a sibling with disabilities, so I'm really grateful for that. I definitely did experience things growing up where I was like, okay, something about my home life is different. Because going to restaurants sometimes, if she was flustered or whatever, she'd make really loud noises, and we'd have to think about how to adjust for that. But I think one of the things that stood out to me the most was how new people would react when I said that I have a sibling with disabilities. There's been people who have said, like, oh well, they're so wholesome. I know that they're just the happiest people ever. And then there would be people who were like, oh, I'm so sorry. That's so hard. And it's just interesting because there are so many people with disabilities who are great, generally happy people, maybe. But they also have really hard days just like anyone else. I don't think having a disability makes you a more, quote, wholesome person or a happier person. You're still a person, and you have good days and bad days. And also on the other end, there are things about it that are really hard, but I don't think it's like this giant weight in my life. It's something different in my life, and it's a different perspective, but I do think that it's just shaped my perspective on friendships and inclusion. And inclusion has always been really important to me. Growing up in school, if there was someone in class that just didn't get along with the peers as well, or was just an outcast, I always really felt for that person, and always wanted to make them feel included. I still very strongly feel that way. And it didn't really click with me until I grew up that that's a big part of where that comes from.

Heather Nelson: I was totally thinking that siblings who have a sibling with a disability, how much you move through life just being accepting of everybody whether they look different, whether they move differently, whether they talk differently, you just have a different perspective on it. And I think we all can learn from that, because I think we need more of that.

Hannah Ponsford: Yeah. I totally agree with you. It's also interesting, because I think that having her disability was just such a normal part of my life. That for a long time growing up, I didn't think about it a lot. And then I did see a shift when she went from elementary school to middle school. It's an elementary school. She was in a common core classroom with a full time aide. 

Heather Nelson: I was gonna ask what her education looked like.

Hannah Ponsford: So in elementary school, she was their kindergarten through 6th grade, and so these kids started out with her for the most part. A lot of them knew her for several years because they were in school with her the whole time. And so they started from being really young kids and getting to know her, and then growing into a 6th grader, and they'd just been exposed this whole time. And it was more of, oh, yeah, this is Ella. She has a disability. She's also part of our class, and she does things with us, and hangs out with us at recess. And then her aide would do whatever things she couldn't keep up with in class. Her aide would help her and just accommodate. Then she went to middle school. And in middle school, it was just a different system. So instead of being in a common core classroom the whole time, she was in a separate classroom for kids with disabilities. And every person's different, every kid's needs are different. So maybe there are certain kids who have a better fit for, and that's totally fine for Ella. Specifically, it wasn't because she needed to be interacting with everybody. She wasn't getting the same level of attention that she was in the common core classroom because it was just kind of more of a mindset. It was more of a daycare kind of setup, honestly. 

Before in elementary school, she would do the science projects, the English projects as far as she could, and then she would pivot from there. She was completely removed from all of that. I remember my mom asked if they could work on her math skills because we hadn't really gotten there at all yet. And they were like, oh, yeah, don't worry. She's going to use the microwave and my mom's like, use the microwave. She makes me scrambled eggs every morning. What are you talking about? I want you to teach her actual bad skills, and so it was just kind of a very one size fits all flat like setup. And that's just not how it works with people with disabilities. There's such a range of needs and accommodations that need to be placed. So also, what I was getting to is versus elementary school and middle school, middle school, she had way more isolation from her peers than in elementary school. Because in middle school, it was kind of more of a setup of, oh, these kids are over here doing their own thing. Versus elementary school, it was, oh, we're all doing this together. So I think that was the biggest, probably the heaviest for me, because I was seeing her actively excluded by her peers, which I hadn't really seen before. And that just kind of made me realize like, I really want to look out for her and make sure that she just always has her people and her friends around her, and I just really want to be able to show people that inclusion is so important on whatever level you can do it. Even if it's just asking them to sit with you at lunch for one day. You just need to start somewhere.

Heather Nelson: So education is a whole beast of a conversation. But as a mom, you're in all these like Facebook groups and, you know, and you see parents being like, why are these kids with disabilities in our kids' classrooms? They're taking away the teacher's attention or things like that. But look at what you just said and how beautiful that was of her being able to be around everybody, like normalizing a child with disabilities, and let her fit in, and let her be included. And then you rip that away, and put them in these groups together. That is not helping our society and our community to be okay and acceptive of it.

Hannah Ponsford: Totally. Basically, if you remove anyone from any exposure, then no one's gonna learn. So these kids in middle school, probably a lot of them didn't have kids with disabilities in their classes. So to them, it's this daunting thing. Back to what we were saying about, well, I don't know how to approach them so I'm not going to. I think that's where a lot of that starts out. Versus in elementary school, there's these kids that were exposed to that right from the beginning. So it's not this weird thing to them. There's not the same barrier to them, like so many of those kids still went to high school with Ella and stuff. They're friends, and they talk all the time and stuff. I just think that exposure is so important.

Heather Nelson: What advice do you have for somebody who's listening to a sibling with a disability? What's something that you've learned over the years that you wish somebody told you back when you were little and being around your sister?

Hannah Ponsford: I think it's really important to remember that we do have really different experiences, and that it's okay to acknowledge that. I think that for a long time, I felt this pressure to feel like, oh, it's totally fine. It's not hard, because I just felt guilty feeling that way. But there is a whole nother level of responsibility to being the sibling of a person with disabilities, and that responsibility for a lot of people goes throughout your whole life. And so I think that is a really impactful thing to consider, and I've been trying to give myself more grace to be like, it's okay. It's hard sometimes. I live in Santa Barbara. I am always struggling with this balance of wanting to pursue my dreams and live where I want to live, but I also want to be there for my sister and still be her biggest advocate. So it's finding that grace. And I think there's gonna be times when maybe you have to do your thing, and then times when you have to show up for your sibling. And I think both of those are okay, and it's just important to allow yourself to remember that.

Heather Nelson: You're gonna do so much good advocacy work. I can already feel it just the way you talk and the way your perspective on it is amazing. I have a question for you. I feel like I can ask this because you are older, and you've been around your mom. Something as a mom that I feel for other moms who might have a child with disability is sometimes. WE as mom, like myself, take things for granted. Our kids being a brat, or they're fighting, or they're not listening, or they're doing these things. And then I think about moms who are having to raise children with disabilities. And again, it's all spectrums. Some are easier than others. Some require more care. What advice do you have for a mom who is sitting in that space right now of raising, using a child with a disability who might feel depleted, unhappy, not doing anything for themselves? Because you've now seen and lived with your mom. Have you learned anything through that? What advice do you have around that?

Hannah Ponsford: Yeah, totally. First off, my mom is just incredible. She is such an inspiration to me, just with her persistence. The level of advocacy she's had to do for my sister just to get her the basic needs that she requires in school is crazy. The general system is not set up for inclusion, and so these moms really have to do the gritty work to make it happen. And I think similar to what I was saying for siblings, I think, the same way for parents, just give yourself some grace like you do have to make time for yourself. And also, this is coming from someone who's not a mom. My mom just puts 100%, 110% into everything she does for my sister. And I'm just always wanting to make sure like, you're okay. You need a break. It's okay to take a second, do something you want to do. If you can take a trip or something, I think that's so important because you do have to be able to have time for yourself, to show up for the people you love, and to get them your best. I'm just so grateful for all the work that my mom does, and I want to make sure that she gets to enjoy her time too.

Heather Nelson: The other thing too, and again, I'm not in this world, but something that's always helped me in whatever I'm going through is, there's so many support groups. You think of Common Ground Society and all the groups and programs that they put together is that there are people who are going through the same thing. Leaning on them, and finding your people who you can be like, hey, I'm having a rough day. Let's go for a walk. Or I'm having issues with the school. What have you done? What advice do you have? And so I want anyone listening to know that there's so many groups, support and advocacy groups that are doing the work to get involved and be a part of that.

Hannah Ponsford: Totally. My mom has gotten Ella involved in so many different extracurriculars. They are for kids with disabilities over the years. And in doing that, she's built such a strong network of moms. And then in being part of the Common Ground Society too. I think that's been really essential. Because if you feel isolated in your experience, I think that just makes it hit so much harder. So being able to talk with these parents who've gone through something similar and are going through something similar, they'll have coffee and talk about whatever happened this week, whatever meltdown they dealt with, whatever school thing that's happening that's crazy, and I've just seen how big that's been. And also for me and my other sister too, I think it's been so cool to meet other families going through this. And that's part of what inspired me to do this podcast. I want to create that network and siblings too. I think you see it more with parents. You don't see it with siblings a lot. I've seen what my mom's built, and I want to be able to build that for myself and my other sisters also. 

Heather Nelson: I love that. I was gonna ask you about the podcast. Is it up? Have you done anything? Where are you at? Tell people about it. 

Hannah Ponsford: So it's going to be launched on October 20. I'm so excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I have my first episode all ready to go, and I'm lining up interviews and all of that. You can find it on Instagram. It's our normal podcast. And then the episodes will, for now, be on Buzzsprout. So it's our kind of normal podcast.com. 

Heather Nelson: I'm so proud of you. And when people reach out to me and ask me about podcasts, I'm like, yes, I could sit there and charge and do the things. But I'm like, no, I want to help. Because I remember sitting in the same space of like, you want to do the work. You want to inspire people. You have no idea where to start or how to do it, and so that's why I'm like, yes, yes, yes. I want to be your biggest cheerleader, and I think it's going to be such a great, great platform. You're going to do such amazing work.

Hannah Ponsford: Thank you so much. I'm so grateful to you too for all of your support, advice and everything. You're so awesome, and it's so cool to see what you're doing, and what you built out of this.

Heather Nelson: Thank you. It's about to get bigger. I promised myself that, and that's what I'm working on. Is there anything you want to leave the listeners with? I know we talked about a lot of different things, but is there anything that maybe you've learned over the years that you want to leave with, or something that we didn't get a chance to talk about? 

Hannah Ponsford: Yeah. I think just really emphasizing the point that I was making earlier of trying to get involved in your communities and see how you can include more people with disabilities. Also people without, I think that being part of something is just such an essential human need. And when you feel excluded, it's such a barrier in your life. So I think to just put yourself out there, ask people questions that you don't know, talk to the strangers on the bus or whatever, and just don't be shy. Don't be afraid. Don't be too afraid to say the wrong thing. Be more focused based on asking the right questions.

Heather Nelson: So good, Hannah. So inspiring on so many levels. I think we all need more people like you in our lives and in our community because I'm walking and nobody even says hi anymore. I'm just, can we just be nice again? What happened to us being kind? But thank you so much for being here. I cannot wait to see your podcast take off, and you doing all the good work. Thank you again for sharing your story.

Hannah Ponsford: Thank you so much for having me. 

Heather Nelson: I hope today's episode resonated with you. And if it did, don't keep it to yourself. Spread the inspiration. Share this episode on your socials, tag me. And if there's anyone in your life who could use a dose of encouragement, pass it along. Looking forward to continuing this journey of inspiration with you. Until next time, stay empowered and connected.