Life Conversations with a Twist
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Life Conversations with a Twist
When Venting Meets ReInventing: Tips for Effective Strategic Journaling with Samantha Hawley
“We're afraid of what we might uncover, which stops people from journaling. Strategic journaling is tough. It's a brave thing to go beneath the surface level.” —Samantha Hawley
Is your mind a cluttered attic of unfinished thoughts and unexpressed emotions? What if you could transform that mental chaos into a wellspring of clarity and purpose? Imagine having a secret weapon that turns your inner turmoil into a roadmap for personal growth and emotional freedom.
Samantha Hawley is a journaling expert and podcast host who helps women navigate life's challenges through strategic writing techniques. As the creator of the Calm Mind Blueprint, she empowers others to process their emotions and find clarity through her unique five-step journaling method.
Tune in as Heather and Samantha explore the power of journaling, overcoming self-sabotage, building emotional resilience, and transforming personal struggles into stepping stones for growth and self-discovery.
Connect with Heather:
Episode Highlights:
01:33 Meet Samantha
07:23 Navigating Divorce
14:01 Entering Entrepreneurship and Podcasting
17:54 Journaling Methods and Resources
24:41 Tips for Effective Journaling
Connect with Samantha
Samantha Hawley is a distinguished Journal and Wellness Coach based in Batavia, New York, with over nine years of experience in the wellness industry. She specializes in guiding career-driven women through stress, anxiety, and overwhelming situations, empowering them to find their voice and achieve happiness through journal entries. Samantha is also a dedicated Health & Fitness Coach, helping individuals reach their fitness goals with tailored workout programs, meal plans, mindset shifts, and daily motivation.
Samantha's extensive professional journey includes pivotal roles at General Electric, where she excelled in customer relationship management, market research, and business plan development. She holds an MBA from Union Graduate College and a BA in Business Administration from Elmira College.
As the host of the popular podcast "Journal Entries," Samantha shares her insights on integrating different aspects of life without feeling overwhelmed, offering practical strategies for self-discovery, boundary setting, and strategic decision-making.
Heather Nelson: Hey ladies, it's your host, Heather Nelson, welcoming you.
Hello everyone, welcome to this week's live conversations with a twist. I'm very excited to have just met Samantha. Samantha and I actually are in another podcast. I guess it is with Keisha. I just love her. I've met so many great women connected all over the world doing the same thing we're doing. We were talking about collabing, and I'll be on yours in, I think a couple weeks, and I invited you on mine. So welcome.
Samantha Hawley: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
Heather Nelson: I'm like, I just love this community of podcasters because it's a lonely world out here. And so not only do we have the opportunities to connect and be on each other, and support each other. But it's like, ask the questions, I'm struggling with this, or I'm struggling with that. And so it's nice to be able to be in a community where we're all speaking the same language.
Samantha Hawley: And I feel like since COVID, we've all been working from home a lot. And I've been an entrepreneur since then too, so I've just been staying in my little bubble, and this is my year of expanding, meeting new people and connecting. So yeah, I'm all about it.
Heather Nelson: I love it. Well, thank you for being here. So tell us a little bit about who you are? Where you live. We just found out like we're on the opposite sides of the country. So I would love to hear a little bit more about your everyday life.
Samantha Hawley: Right now, I'm living in Buffalo, New York. I was born and raised here. And in a nutshell, I am a single mom. My son is four years old. And prior to moving back to this area, I was living kind of all over the Northeast. I went to college in the Albany, New York area. I lived in Boston, Massachusetts, which was amazing. I lived in Maine. Where else? I feel like there was another place in there. And then I actually got pregnant during COVID. And then I had my son in October of 2020, so he's a COVID baby, and I had him in the outer bank. So that's the final destination. And that was just such, I didn't realize how isolating it was until now. Looking back, especially that I have a twin sister, and she just had her daughter 10 months ago now. So seeing her experience of her husband going to the appointments with her, and just how supportive he is and whatnot. Anyways, we were living in the Outer Banks at that point with no family, no friends, and it was just really lonely. And it was December of 2020, so my son was two months old that I think all of it just hit me. I feel like, as a mom, there are just certain times where it just all comes crashing down. And that was the first time for me, and I didn't even know, I couldn't put words to it. It was just like being overwhelmed, maybe. And that was like where I couldn't voice it to my husband at the time. I was like, I just need to get this out.
And so I locked myself in a spare bedroom because I was like, I don't know what's gonna come out of me. Up until this point, I was positive Polly or positive Pam, whoever she is. And so in my journal, I wrote Vent Sesh at the top. And then I wrote, I feel like I'm dropping all of the balls. And I wrote, dropping the ball in my work, in my marriage as a mom. Just responsibilities of keeping the house clean, staying on track with my fitness and whatnot. And it just felt so validating to honor the hard stuff. And from there, I just found so much peace in journaling. And that's kind of where my journey with not just journaling, but emotions started, honoring the hard stuff and working through them to get to a place of direction, clarity and feeling on how I want to feel.
Heather Nelson: I love honoring the hard stuff. Because, God, I was just thinking today, I own two businesses. I'm a podcaster. I host women's retreats. I have four children, I have a husband, and I balance it all right. It's just one of those things that it's just so overwhelming, and I love journaling. I want to dive more into the journaling thing, because that's one thing that I think I probably am missing the bow on. I think I could probably flush out a lot of my emotions through journaling. So before this, you never journaled before?
Samantha Hawley: I quote, unquote, journal. But what it looked like was affirmations. It was like, I am healthy, I am wealthy. I am. I'm playing that song in my head like I am the statements or gratitude, but that also is very surface level. It was like, I'm grateful for my health, or I'm grateful for my family, things like that, which I think it's a fine part of a routine. That's what it was for me. It was just like something I did in the morning, and it made me feel good for maybe an hour after that. But that was it. It didn't do anything for my life. It didn't help me process anything. It didn't help me tap into anything. And I didn't know that I wanted to or needed that at the time. But now, I call it strategic journaling because that's what it really is. It's like, all right, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Let's process that because I don't want to feel overwhelmed. And we can feel that on a daily basis, or we can feel it and work through it eventually within 10 seconds. So it's not like the goal is never to not feel the stress, the anxiety, the self sabotage, the hard stuff. It's to feel it, and to move through it. So that's how I use journaling now.
Heather Nelson: Now, we didn't talk about whether I can ask these questions. So if you don't feel like answering it, I totally get it. But do you feel like part of your journaling process, I don't know how you and your husband parted ways, but was that part of like, you tell me how you guys broke up, and then I'll ask the question.
Samantha Hawley: I'm an open book, so you could ask anything. That night that I just mentioned there was December of 2020, and I was like, oh, this is my new habit. I'm gonna journal every single day. It was more so, something that I just tapped into when I felt the big emotions. I was like, whoa. I like X, Y, Z. But yes, we were living in the Outer Banks at that time, and he could tell that I was lonely, needed some support, and he was the one that suggested moving back to my hometown. I knew that that was best for me and the worst decision for us as a family. And I knew it in my bones, getting the chills that even say that, and I journaled about it. So I was like, I don't know what to do because I know this is going to be so amazing. It's what I want.
I always wanted to raise my son near my family, immediate family, but I know that my husband won't be happy here. In my journaling, I didn't come to any conclusions. Because, of course, this is what I wanted, but I had those fears. I used my journaling just to process the very real fears instead of just crossing my fingers, hoping for the best. Just hopeful, wishing. And so that was the beginning. And then once we actually moved here, I would like to say that it was, I don't like saying this, but it was like an emotionally abusive relationship where he would just shut down. I was always walking on eggshells, and it was this way for our entire relationship. When I moved home and had the support of my family and this tool of journaling, it became so clear of what I wanted and what I deserved. I was giving him the opportunities and finally speaking up and telling him like, wait, wait, this is what I need. This is how I need it from you.
And honestly, having my son was a big part of this too because I realized that my son comes first now. And that means that I don't want to come last. Whereas before you have kids, I don't know, it's just kind of like you're floating in a relationship. But I'm like, wait. Of course, I'm going to put my son first. But I also want to come first. And in the dynamic that we had, I was going to come last, and so I needed to start speaking up. And so, yeah, journaling definitely gave me that clarity and hope too, and he just wasn't able to see that we weren't getting on the same page. And so yeah, that ultimately led to our divorce, and it happened so fast. I visited his family for father's day in June, June 20 that year. And at that time, I was like, I'm in it. We're still married. On July 13 of that year, I was like, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. And so it happened that people always say, what's the reason you got divorced? And it's always like, oh, it's the birthday cake. He messed up the birthday cake. But it's all these tiny things. But yeah, journaling gave me a lot of clarity of like, no, this isn't it for me.
Heather Nelson: So your son was like a year?
Samantha Hawley: Nine months.
Heather Nelson: A very similar story to myself. I had my daughter, and then my ex-husband and I, we knew we wanted a second child so we had a second child because we knew we wanted them, and we wanted them both at the wedding. And so we had my son. And then that year later, we got married. And I think we weren't even married for a year and I started going through a personal development journey. I started reading books, listening to podcasts and working out. One of those things where I realized how unhappy I was, and I didn't want to just stick it out for my kids. Because, again, at the end of the day, it's really about creating a positive environment for them. And so I decided to leave my ex husband too. So it's interesting. I think I would love your opinion on this because I see this a lot, especially with doing these women's retreats. So many women know that they need to go to these things. They want to go to these things, but I think there's like a little bit of a bird, a husband being like, don't go because you're gonna want to leave me. You know what I mean? It gives them that space of clarity, especially if they're in an unhappy marriage, or their life is unhappy. I think that men have this little insecurity about women doing personal development or doing retreats.
Samantha Hawley: I can see that. My opinion and perspective is that the woman is afraid of what she's going to uncover. I remember going to a Brendon Burchard conference, and this was in 2017 I think. Whatever it was, it was before I got married. but I think I was engaged at the time. I walked into that room on day one, and I had never been to a conference so I was a little bit nervous about just what it was. But I think I had my first panic attack before it even started, and I was like, what is happening? Something is happening in my body. I was just so nervous like something was gonna come up, like something was inside of me. I wasn't sure what it was. And that whole weekend, there were tough questions asked, there was reflection. There's a little bit of visualization stuff. And what I kept turning to was what I used to struggle with, binge eating disorder, and so that's what I kept coming up with. But looking back, I should never have married my husband. There were so many signs of just differences. Even in the very beginning, I did try to speak up about certain things, and he shut it down. The walking on eggshells was literally from the very beginning. And his family even told me that.
And there are different political beliefs and whatnot, so many things. And I'm like, I think that if women truly listened to their inner voice and inner knowing and trusted that, I think that we're nervous to do that. I think that by investing in themselves in a retreat, they're nervous about what might come up, and I don't think that it's always going to be divorce. I think that they do need to put themselves in the room with people, go on these retreats, and invest in these opportunities to ask those questions. But yeah, I think that it's also coming from us too, probably from the other side, from the partner. But our own fear of, what if it does lead to divorce? And then there's a whole loss of love. The grief of that and what happens afterwards. Even though I chose to leave and was so hopeful and excited for the future, it was also the hardest decision. I literally felt like my heart was breaking at the same time that I was excited. There's so many pieces to it. I feel like my perspective is that we're also afraid of what we might uncover, which also stops people from journaling. At least strategic journaling. It's tough. I feel like it's a brave thing to go beneath the surface level, to go to the retreat, to start journaling.
Heather Nelson: Oh, my gosh. So good. Such a great perspective, too. So after this experience with journaling, now you lit up. How did you make a business out of it? How did your podcast concept commit? How has that evolved?
Samantha Hawley: Yeah, so something silly that I was doing was, you know, time lapses? The videos? I was doing that with my journals because I just thought it looked cool to really quickly fill out a journal for however long it took a full page or whatever. And I was doing that and posting it on my Instagram, and so a lot of my followers were seeing my journal, and they were seeing me going through a divorce, and they were seeing me lighting up and glowing. And so people started asking me questions of, I'm going through a difficult relationship here, or it was more so they were feeling unfulfilled in their career or whatnot. But these women started reaching out to me, asking me what I was doing in my journals, how I was feeling, what it appeared like feeling so confident, and all of these things. And I was like, huh? What do you mean? I don't know. Doesn't everybody do this if they journal? And it was this eventual aha moment of like, oh, I guess I do it a little bit differently. I get right to the rudiments. I'm a mom, and I don't have a lot of time. And so if I'm gonna spend my time doing something, I need it to be worthwhile. So I just asked myself the question of, is there a process to what I'm doing? And I literally brought out my journals and I was like, all right. For most of my entries, is there a flow? And I came up with a process for it, and I started with a podcast because I was like, I don't know how to monetize this. Or what quote, unquote offers to create, or anything. And that felt safer for some reason. And I was literally opening my, I don't know why it felt safer to literally air out my dirty laundry. The fourth episode is called the one where she chose herself, and it's my divorce story. But yeah, I was literally airing out my dirty laundry, and also sharing lessons along the way.
Heather Nelson: You actually read your journal on these podcasts?
Samantha Hawley: Yeah. In the beginning, that's what it was. And then I remember one episode where it was, do you watch The Bachelorette?
Heather Nelson: It's been a minute, but yes. I was very much committed to it for a while.
Samantha Hawley: It was the season where there were two of them. It was Gabby and Rachel. And their season, those two girls went through men. They were like just dropping them off like nothing, and it got to the end with, there was no choice at the end because they kept getting rid of them so quickly. And so I did a podcast episode on that. So eventually at first, it was like, this is my story. And then it was like, yeah, these are other women that are choosing themselves. And now, it's a little bit deeper than that, and more about trusting yourself, inner voice and whatnot. But before that, people came to me and I was like, okay, sure. I can coach you through this. And so it was like that. And now, I do have some free resources and a journaling membership where I prompt them through things as well.
Heather Nelson: I love that, and so that is your full time job. I love that. And then now with your podcast, have guests on and then do specific topics around certain things. So some of the things when you and I were chatting back and forth about what kind of things you're known for, or things you speak upon, one of them was talking about five steps to process over being overwhelmed. We all are moms. Well, not all, but most of my listeners are moms. Most of us have jobs, or we own a business , or we're doing a lot. We're managing the household and things like that, especially being a single mom. What does this process look like? Give us your wisdom.
Samantha Hawley: Yeah, I forgot that I said that, but I'm so glad because that is the process. When I said I was looking through my journals, that's the process. So I'll walk you guys through it. And if you want, that's one of my free resources so I can send you a link to it. Just this week, I turned it into a five day challenge. Because what I was finding is that I'm gonna walk you through it right now, and you can do these five prompts all at once. It'll be about like a 10 to 15 minute journal entry. But even that sometimes, as moms were like, oh, I don't know, I don't have that much time. Sounds like we do, but then we still can't make the time to sit down for 10 minutes. So I turned it into a five day challenge where it's literally two minutes. Just sit down for two minutes and journal through something. So I'll send you that link. I'll walk you through it right now. So the five steps, it's called the calm mind blueprint, and you can use it for any emotion. But the acronym that I use for it is always making cotton candy again. It makes no sense, but that's why I remember it. So A is awareness. This is the first prompt. I call this a journal prompt flow, because it's never just one prompt. I prompt you multiple times to help you create a full journal entry by the end. So awareness is just asking yourself, what is happening? What is the emotion that you're feeling, or the situation that you're going through? And just do what I call an emotional brain dump around the situation, what people are involved? What is the timing of it? And anything that comes up for you. There's no right or wrong way to do this. So awareness.
And then meaning, that's the M. This might be my favorite one. This is where we look at the awareness and we start to question, what meaning are we placing on what's happening? Another way to look at this is, what expectations are we putting on ourselves? Or what expectations do we think others have for us? Or what judgments do we have based on what we think, or what others think? And this is really important. Because what I find with my clients, just generally women, is that sometimes, awareness is the first step to literally everything in life. But sometimes, we become aware. And then we're like, okay, we're aware. Here's a solution. We jump immediately to problem solving and to clarity. People also say it doesn't matter what other people think, but it does because we're still thinking that. We're still weighing on us, even in some capacity. So this is all about becoming aware of those expectations, judgments, any of those meanings. This alone is going to cause a lot of breakthroughs.
Then the next one is curiosity, that's C. And all it is asking, is that true? Are those expectations actually true? Is that judgment actually true? Is that meaning actually true? And it's not about saying no. No, it's obviously not true. Because sometimes, there will be situations where it's yes. It's just about playing devil's advocate and looking at it in a new light. Then we get to clarity. That's the next C. Okay, now that we know the situation, any assumptions, meaning judgment, all that that we've attached to it and the validity of it. Now, what is it that I actually want? How is it that I actually want to feel? What is the ideal outcome that I would love to have? What is it that I feel like I deserve? This is where you start to question that. And then the last step A is for action. This is why nobody ever gets stuck in their emotions when they're journaling because we always end in action. It's like, all right, we've processed. But now, what? And it's not just action, it's micro steps. I usually like to do bullet point journaling for this where it's like, okay, based on what you want, what's a whole bunch of ideas? Or even a couple ideas of things that you can do that will help you get there, and then break it down into tiny things that you can actually do one of them today. And so one example that I like to give is having a conversation. So oftentimes we think that, okay, I might need to have a conversation with somebody in order to get closer to what I want. And we think that that's one action step. But to me, that's three different steps.
The first step is to write an outline of what it is I'm going to talk about, because I forget about the points that I even want to make mid conversation, especially if it's an important one. I get all nervous and like, probably I'm going to cry if it's an important conversation. I'm sweaty. I don't even know. So I'm going to write in the notes on half of my phone. I'm going to write bullet points, what's the outcome that I want to have? Just the main points I want to have. The second step is reaching out to the person and saying, hey, can we chat? And then the third one is actually having the conversation. Or when I was having tough conversations with my ex husband, I wasn't even talking. I was writing letters. I was coming up with what I wanted to say, opening up a Google Doc, writing it all out. Step two was going through it again because the first draft was way too emotional, right? I needed to tone it down a bit. And so that's like that. When I was overwhelmed as a mom, I realized that I needed more support. And so my micro step first was not just asking for support,getting a sitter. It was looking at my calendar and seeing, okay, when am I actually comfortable getting a sitter? Step two was then reaching out to the sitter. Because sometimes just knowing like, oh, I'll just get a sitter more frequently. It feels too big. We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do that another day.
Heather Nelson: I love that. I can see this situation or this process in so many different lights. Whether it's a hard conversation that you have to have or working out, or commitments to yourself, or plan all the things. It's such a great way to process it. And I love the action because I think that so many people miss that part. You're like, yeah, okay. Now I've put all the things out. But now, what? I love that. I would love to see your journals. Do you have just stacks of journals? What's your favorite journal?
Samantha Hawley: This is my favorite one. So I have stacks right behind me, but this is my favorite one currently. It says Samantha 5.0 up at the top. It's my first personalized one, and there's like gold on it. So one of my tips to start journaling is to get a fun journal that you like, because you're gonna want to come back to that. And another tip, this is an empty one, is to get a fun pen. So I actually use colored fine felt tip writing and journaling markers. So just to get something fun. Mine don't have any prompts in them. They're just blank. So yeah, I do have fun picking out a new journal.
Heather Nelson: One of your goals in the future is to create your own journals?
Samantha Hawley: Yes. I've been asked that so many times, and I took a stab at it once, and I didn't love it. And then I was like, I'm gonna table this for another day and haven't circled back to it. But someday, I will write a journal.
Heather Nelson: I love that. I actually want to, because I love the creation of the graphic on the front. I've always wanted to have a cute journal. And I did it on Amazon. I don't have it with me, but I was always like, it would be so cute to have them and do the things. And then it's just one of those projects where I'm just like, I'll get to it another time. What other stuff do you do? One on one coaching? I know that you said you have a membership, but what are some of the ways that people can engage in moving forward with doing more journaling?
Samantha Hawley: I do one on one, which is my favorite. If you can't tell, I love getting to the nitty gritty, really learning about what's happening in your world. So I do one on one when there are spots open. I also have something called the Self Sabotage Detox. Because what gets in the way a lot of the time, especially with Mom, is self sabotage patterns, which could be a whole other call entirely. But what those are, are things like people pleasing, overthinking, procrastinating, things like that. I have a small group coaching program just for that to help with why those patterns are keeping you stuck in overwhelm and stress in those cycles. And then I have a journaling membership that I post these journal prompt flows that I just kind of walked you through, but I have breakthrough themes each month. And we do journaling workshops twice a month, and that's where you can come with what you're going through. I kind of do intuitive prompts based on that, and you can share it if you want. So we do that, and then I have guests speak in there as well.
Heather Nelson: I love all of it. I feel like journaling is one of those things that I need to, again, put more into my life. I do journaling, but it's more of like, I write my five things I'm granted in my gratitude writing, and then I write down like 10 of my goals to remind myself of my goals. Because I'm definitely more of a vision board goal setting type of person. But if there's some advice for someone that's listening that might want to just start journaling as an easy way to ease into it, what do you recommend? How frequent are they setting them up for success?
Samantha Hawley: I love this question in terms of how frequent, how much I would say to remove all expectations. I think that might be my second best tip. One, like yesterday, I journaled and it was just a tiny paragraph. It was not a full page. I know that some people out there say they journal a page a day. And to me, I'm like, that seems like pressure to fill up a full page. Some days, I don't have that in me. Other days, I have three pages in me. So removing the expectation of how much to write, removing the expectation of the length of time. Some people journal for five minutes, 10 minutes, and I say journal until you can't anymore. Some days, that will be 10 minutes. Other days, that'll be one minute. And that's okay. So whatever expectations that you have, remove them, throw them in the trash. Know that literally anything, one sentence is getting that out of your brain and onto paper, and off of your heart onto paper, and you can move on lighter throughout the rest of your day.
And the second thing is that consistency really does help because you will start to feel better. And I remember that I stopped. I was feeling so good that I stopped for about a month, and then I went to my therapy session. I was like, oh, God, I need to get back to this. So my tip here is that consistency does not mean daily. Consistency is anything that you can do in a pattern. So honestly, even if that's once a week or twice a week, finding a pattern that works for you. So maybe I actually do it in the mornings when I have my energy drink, or coffee, or something, and that's just kind of like my trigger. It's like, oh, I'm doing my pre workout. I'm also gonna journal. But maybe for you, it's when you get into bed or your lunch break, and just commit to two days a week or something, and choose to feel proud about that. It doesn't need to be daily.
Heather Nelson: I love that so much because, again, I'm with you on consistency. And I always tell people, especially with goal setting and they're like, oh, I want to work out. And they're like, we're going to get in there, and we're going to work out one hour every day a week. And I'm like, start small. Just do two days a week, maybe three, and then ease your way into it when you feel like you can do more. But I love that. Anything else, I know in the show notes, we'll put like how they can find you. We'll give you the link for your free resources, obviously a link to your podcast. What other things, other ways that people can find you, or are there other things that you offer for your listeners?
Samantha Hawley: So the main way to find me is on Instagram. And feel free to DM me. I love chatting with you guys about what it is that you're going through, if you want to share. But I would say, I do offer free calls if you ever are nervous going back to that, being afraid of what's inside is at least for me was very real. So I feel like if anyone listening does have that lingering feeling of like, yeah, there's something there. My suggestion would be to face it. Because on the other side of that is so much calm, peace and freedom. And I know that it can feel very scary because it's the unknown, but your joy is on the other side of that, and so just lean into that. And also lean into community, lean into this podcast and all of the other people in your life. And if you don't have people in your life, meet people. Meet people like us on this podcast and whatnot, because there are so many people that are out there that want to support you through everything in life, the highs and the lows, the successes and those times that you need others.
Heather Nelson: I love that you're just like a ray of sunlight, just like the way you see and the way you present yourself. I'm like, can you just be my pep talk every morning? Thank you so much for being here. I'm so glad that we connected. Before we came on, I was like, most of my podcast guests have been locally, and I still obviously push for that. But I absolutely love meeting people all over the world. I've met so many people on the East Coast in Canada, and it's just so cool to be with minded people who are doing the same thing. So again, thank you so much for being here, and I can't wait to see where your life and your journey takes you.
Samantha Hawley: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me, Heather.